Climacophobia

It's only within the past couple of years that I've been able admit that I'm not quite right in the head when it comes to some pretty random stuff. And while there's a sliding scale for these things, perhaps I'll just throw it out there and see what you all have to say.

First, I was at a Medieval Fair, like, 10 years ago, and there were these women dressed up as fairies, walking around on stilts. For whatever reason, this deeply disturbed me. In thinking about it, I don't like anything which walks on stilts. Fortunately, in my daily life, this issue has never become much of a problem.

Perhaps more pressingly, however, I have a profound abhorrence for pet birds. It's not a phobia, per se (well, ok, a little--they do kind of scare me), but it's more of a real and very deep hatred for such a barbaric act. When I see a bird in a cage, I immediately conjure up images of the Middle Passage, and I want to vomit. A few years ago, a friend of mine referred to this issue as my "endearing and poetic personality tic" because I refused to dine at a friend's house who kept her birds in the kitchen. I refused to budge on the matter simply because I cannot eat with a caged bird looking at me. My friend said that she would cover the bird so that it would go to sleep. Oh, even better!, I said--Smother and alienate the damn thing on my account??--No, I will have no part in this! Call it what you will, but birds are feathered reptiles, and they belong outside. Not only do I detest the smell of a bird in a cage, but I have an automatic aversion to people who keep birds as pets. People who keep birds as pets, whether they know it or not, are my sworn enemies. May their bird one day find its way out of the cage and shit all over them as they sleep for being so cruel and inhumane to our ancestors.

Next, I have a serious fear of head injuries. And for good reason. A friend of mine was in a terrible accident several years ago. She barely survived, and now she will never, ever, ever be the same. She lost her whole life in an instant. And yes, she was wearing her seatbelt. But she wasn't wearing a helmet! I believe in wearing helmets, and I sincerely wish that I could have a special helmet designed for me that I can wear when in a car, and especially in a taxi cab.

Finally, saving the biggest issue for last, I have a serious issue with moving staircases, otherwise known as "escalators". Really, really big ones bring me to the edge of a panic attack every time, even though I try to prove to myself that I'm more rational than my irrational fear. It's definitely linked to a few things: failure to trust my fellow man, fear of falling, and fear of head injury. My biggest thing is that I'm scared that someone else will lose their balance and come toppling down on everyone else going up, and I will not only fall (and definitely incur a head injury) but I will be flattened by some huge fat woman or man who couldn't keep his/her balance. The image frightens me so much that sometimes I just can't bring myself to step upon the moving staircase. Considering the fact that a direct ancestor of mine actually invented the escalator (and elevator), the phobia itself is beyond ironic.