Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Eyes, Lies and Soulful Videotape

Lately, I've been dealing with a woman who says very mean things to me while never looking me in the eye. Never. Even when I greet her personally, she won't look at me. The first second of my first encounter with her told me that she was the kind of person who will do anything possible to bring other people down, including being very manipulative and deceitful. For whatever reason, I have been her primary source of focus for the past several months.

At the very least, I want to tell her that I'm really not that special, important or deserving of all of her intense and dark energies, but I doubt that this will do much good. This aside, the ironic thing is that I don't think she's realized that I have no interest in being her enemy. Her own self-manipulations are far more terrorizing than anything I could ever do in retaliation.

So, in dealing with her, I very passively sit back, and deliberately let her spin and stew in her own juices. I smile and respond with the utmost respect when she lashes at me in person (which is often), and I always especially make sure to look her directly in the eye. Every time I do this, I watch her wither under my gaze, not because I'm being cruel at all, but because I know that my eye contact is a nuisance to her. I make sure to radiate as much love as I can muster towards her. Because I know that deep down, she's just someone's unloved child.

Of course, she does not respond especially well to this. She has a tendency not to last very long under my gaze, which I make sure to keep extra long until I see her twitch. Literally. I think this embarrasses her. My long, silent gaze shows her that she's being petty, cruel and unkind. I'm fully aware that this makes her nervous. She's more comfortable in a direct confrontation than she is in the uncomfortable silence of knowing that I know her secret--that she's insecure, unhappy, petty and unkind. She knows that I know that she says and does awful things to people, and yet it makes her terribly uncomfortable that I don't punish her for it. She says that she believes in God, which makes me think that deep down, she's just longing for affirmation of herself through a combination of external strife and self-validation. She considers herself a "good" Christian. But as the saying goes, one should not throw bricks if she lives in a glass house.

I find these sorts of situations very interesting cases for analysis. I'm fully aware that this woman going to continue to cause problems for me as long as I am seen as something in her way. But her biggest blockages are within. Other than vigilantly protecting myself from her negative energy, there is nothing more that I can do about this. Fortunately, I'm shipping off again in a few months, and this will all just be a lesson in preparation for next time. Before I leave, I'm going to write her a special thank you note for everything I've learned from her. I'm going to make sure that the card is very pretty, but filled with the images of eyes. Clearly, it matters very little that I have my eye on her at the moment. But hopefully, one day, she'll realize the power of karma and putting good energy into the heart of the Universe. By that time, I won't be watching, but she can rest assured that something larger than both of us is.


FSOgirl said...

Do you think gazing at her, making her uncomfortable, is a way of punishing her? I see your point and approve of your method of transmitting to her that she can't hurt you, but I don't think that it's completely benign. In a way, you are turning her fixation on you back onto her. Again -- I would probably do the same thing and I think it's a wise response. But it is a challenge, nonetheless.

I'm sad for her. People spend so much energy hating and it makes no sense, for anyone. I wish there was a way to help negative people to relax, find their joy, and see that they are just bringing themselves down deeper into the well. God bless therapists who work with those who don't love themselves...

Namaste said...

Oddly enough, that same question crossed my mind as I was writing this. The answer is a definitive Yes. It goes without saying that even non-violence employs various subtle and manipulative tactics to make the aggressor or an abuser see themselves a little clearer. Trust me, it would be so much easier to throw things, but I'm trying to see this as as much of an exercise for me as it is for her. One of these days, I promise you, I'm going to give her a great big hug and a kiss on the cheek, and her heart will surely melt... :)