Namaste Comedy

One Miss Namaste has not stepped on her yoga mat in nearly 3 weeks. In fact, the last time she stepped on her yoga mat, it was out of a compulsion to stretch in a hot yoga class. Even though One Miss Namaste has learned to ignore such terrible compulsions, she was nevertheless forged ahead and was yet again reminded why hot yoga is something that can only be done under the right circumstances...which are, unfortunately, never.

That said, with everything going on, I've been woefully out of balance these past few weeks. On top of moving, packing, pushing my little rock up the mountain and emotionally sifting through yet another exchange of time and place, I overcame strep throat to subsequently fight a cold for the past few days. Yesterday morning, my acupuncturist took one look at me and remarked that he needed a month to fix me. Instead, he kept me on the table for 2.5 hours. Even though he had other patients, he made me take a nap. I napped so hard, I was nearly petrified to the table when he came to wake me up. This is why I love this man.

This morning, I woke up at 6am to discover that my left eye was gooey and nearly glued shut. My instinct was to try rubbing, but then I remembered my mother always saying that you should never put your hands to your face without washing them first, which, to this day, still haunts me and is perhaps the reason why I never have acne or eye infections, but I digress. Yeesh. How on earth did this happen, I thought? Is it pink eye? I blindly patted my way along the wall and into the bathroom to wash my hands and begin to investigate the matter. When I finally could get it open enough to look in the mirror, a very red eye with a white dot on the iris looked back at me. Holy mother of god! I immediately picked up the phone and made an emergency eye appointment as visions danced through my head of Homeland Security guys at the airport not letting me leave the country with pink eye and giving me a body cavity search for good measure...

...Turns out that I developed a small ulcer on my eye. Small. Not menacing. No big deal because I'm a genius and caught it early. Two days ago, one of the strings from a hoodie shirt I was wearing popped up into my eye when I put a box down. I put my contacts in after that. Two days later, the left side of my face resembles something out of a cartoon. Fun stuff.

While a part of me was genuinely hoping that the doctor was going to issue me a pirate-style eye patch to match the formal dress I am set to wear tomorrow night for a formal event I am being dragged to, the good news is that while I can't wear my contacts for the next ten days, my eye is going to be ok. This means that I will be blind as a bat at the formal event, which will no doubt lead to even more hysterical fun because I won't actually be able to see the faces of my colleagues when they look at me aghast in the last minute $17 dollar shiny torquoise dress that I snagged from the discount rack at Ross, which makes me look like Jennifer Lopez on the red carpet only way, way, way, way cheaper...like whoa...

The even better news is that I'm getting on the mat tomorrow morning for one last time before leaving town and heading back to DC before I leave. The best part is that it won't just be any old practice, but one done next to my favorite, globe-trotting, life-walker, Slinky. I'll have to practice without my glasses on, so I won't be able to see her. But having her there will definitely lift me up and bring me back to center.