Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Mental Floss

I am applying for a fellowship for next year, and what is particularly attractive about this fellowship is that it comes with a medical and dental package. Like, whoa. The fellowship also happens to come with a very nice stipend, a housing allowance, a research allowance, and an allowance for moving my stuff across the country so that I might finally cohabitate with the small collection of physical things I supposedly have in my so-called "possession". Of course, it's more than appealing that this fellowship will bring little me to the great big "Big Apple" for two years.

...Yes, I already have images of little me spending copious amounts of cultural time wearing scarves, dark glasses and funny hats whilst sipping bubble tea in various and sundry coffee shops and lounges in the East Village...

...Yes, I have already envisioned the one-room 10x12, eighteenth floor walk-up with its hand-held shower/bathroom and efficiency kitchen that I shall love more than life itself simply because it is mine...and maybe it has just enough light for me to grow a flower or two in the window...

..And yes, I have inwardly juiced all over myself at the prospect of being in an academic and cultural community that would nourish and shape my teaching and research in unimaginably wonderful ways...in addition to the supreme coolness I would feel for simply being recognized as cool...

But more than this, I really just have my eye on the dental care. Yeah. I would really just love to get my teeth cleaned. Really.

Before I set foot on the road towards the PhD, knowing that I would no longer have dental coverage, I went to my childhood dentist. He pre-emptively put clear caps on all of my molars in order to prevent cavities for the next few years. Then, later, during a whirlwind tour through Eastern Europe, I randomly stopped one day and had my teeth cleaned by a very nice Polish dentist with very white nose hair, who was not yet set up on the Euro system. It was quite a dream to pay $25 USD for a full cleaning, even if the chair I was sitting in was older than the Cold War. Of course, that was 6 years ago. I am certain that the time I bought on those clear molar caps has run out. Yes, I think it is safe to say that I am overdue for an oral health assessment.

(Obviously, regular flossing and hyper-attentive brushing is not enough.)

So, in light of this, I am shouting my intentions to the Universe yet again: Please, please, please, please, please, please let me be selected for this fellowship. Please. I am qualified. I am good at this stuff that I do. I promise, you will like me. A lot. I am a total academic catch and rather nice to have around, at any rate. And who knows, if I like you in return, I may even invite you up to spend time a little time getting to know little me in my 180th floor walk-up with no view. I may even let you look at my...books. You'll love it. I promise. But, before we make any serious moves, I should warn you that I will need a few days notice...

I need to get my teeth cleaned.

Namaste

3 comments:

I-66 said...

That and I could get you some really good food.

Kim Ayres said...

Time to date a dentist

VJ said...

Reasons #3 & 33 of why people leave the academic track. Eventually you need to have health care for the kids or the 'trailing spouse' at least. And many times, that's a long dead pipe dream in some quarters. They'll figure it out eventually, but not before lower wage labor has taken over the ranks of the 'professoriate'. We're all being replaced & outsourced now. Cheers & Good Luck! 'VJ'