Good news hasn't fallen in my lap yet, but I feel it coming. Last week, the director of the search committee for the full-time teaching job I applied for asked me to forward him my course syllabi and student evaluations. In the next few weeks, I will finally know what is to become of me for the coming academic year, whether I get this job or the post-doc position I applied for in New York. Ensha-Allah (G-d willing), I will be earning a livable wage soon, and yes, health insurance. Quite a luxury.
Spring still isn't here yet, but I feel it coming, too...
My dissertation writing took a GIANT leap forward last week. The ocean I swallowed a few years ago when I undertook this project does not nearly feel so deep and unknown as it once did. Sure, it is still deep, but my subject has revealed itself to me. I am now fully engaged and producing. Finally.
The rabbi doesn't know it yet, but I have been putting myself through the motions of moving on with life, and I feel this happening, too. Crying, snotting, kicking and screaming (on the inside, of course), I have strapped my running shoes upon my feet and dragged myself to the gym every day. Like a robot, I have placed my Ipod ear buds in the two side orifices of my head, stepped onto an open treadmill and commanded myself to run. Five minutes into it, I start to feel like I can do five more. Ten minutes into it, I feel strong enough to push through ten more. Twenty minutes later, I am alive again, warmed up and ready for some cross training. An hour after I arrive, I feel the healthy burn in my chest and legs from a solid cardiovascular work out. The burn rewinds me, unwinds me and boldly reminds me that life is about living, accepting and...well, forward motion...(even if the cold outside still confines me to a treadmill).
...in this momentum, I have recently procured a new bathing suit for summer. Since everything that managed to travel with me through the Middle East for the last three summers is now old, faded and tattered from travel, I decided that a new navy blue and white bikini for my impending trip to Miami in two weeks is in order. I am also outfitting myself in a few new things for spring and summer, including an outrageously priced pair of designer jeans (which I managed to find on discount, mind you, but was born to wear), matched with an extremely demure, V-necked pale brown cotton blend shirt that...makes me...want....to hump myself because it is so gracefully flattering to my form. Yes. Out with the old, in with the new...
And finally, in light of all of this, I have started to clarify and put my intentions in to action. It has been a long time since I spent a summer in the United States. (Oh, poor me.) Similarly, it is also been a long time since I had a summer of silly fun. With these two things in mind, I have begun my plotting. At the moment, it is my intention to spend the summer, with the Great People's Republic of Manhattan as home base. My reasons for this are multi-fold, but all fall back upon the general idea that I have always wanted to live there, I'll be sure to find a small, temporary job to support myself, and this feels like the right time, if not the last time I will have the opportunity to do such a thing. I have a fantastic crew of friends there, and one dear friend from college who works far too hard on Wall Street and has more than enough room to spare in her sprawling apartment on the Upper West Side. In the city, there's an ample Jewish community for me to dabble among, tons of yoga studios, and all of the art, culture and diversity I am craving right now, without having to leave the country. Yum. I already have visions of lugging my laptop to various coffee spots and taking the opportunity to write. My working plan is to have a draft of my dissertation by the early fall. With all of the glorious distractions that NYC offers, it's ironic, I know, but I'll actually be able to keep on task. After all, I won't be fully consumed with where I will sleep at the end of the day, or where my next falafel ball was coming from...
So that's the update. I'm heading to the gym. Treadmill #1 has my name on it.
Namaste
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2 comments:
Hey! I just know there's good news around the corner for you. I mean after all, your dissertation is beginning to make sense. And that's something! And something always manages to turn up for you.
I'm sorry to hear of the imminent demise of the Rabbi chapter, it was & remains compelling stuff. But sometimes it must remain 'incomplete' until all the pieces come together. For some folks this comes awfully late. Have fun on your vacation trip with Slide. Cheers & Good Luck with the writing, 'VJ'
This is all (potentially) very good news. Is the FT position at the current place, or is that the fellowship? Either way, fingers crossed and all that. :)
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